Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize