all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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