i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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