Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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