Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
