god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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