new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
