we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
