He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
