I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
