i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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