I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
