hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
