I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize