D3 body, D1 cock
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
