Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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