Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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