let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
