32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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