I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
