Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
