hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
