SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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