you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
