I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize