I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
