My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
