my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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