LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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