even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I didn't notice because vodka
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
