I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
