No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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