If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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