when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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