bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
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