I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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