You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
