so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
