The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
