she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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