I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
