WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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