shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
nutella sex= disaster
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
tell me about the eggs
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