yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
