sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize