well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
