Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
