I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
