I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
