hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
