Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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