Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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