I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
