Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
