Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
