does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
