what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
