Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
