flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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