I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
