Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Randomize
