Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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