if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
